Usually Christmas and New Year's get me all sentimental and thinking back over the year and what I've accomplished and what I still have to do, and then I need lots of chocolate to cheer myself up again.
Or, I could go to a party, drive home as the first dawn of the new year breaks over yonder notch in the treeline, and skip the self-assessment altogether.
You see, the depressing thing about end-of-year summaries is that they're never enough. Last year I went to China; this year I spent three months on a couch watching Buffy and hating my life. College is just more school that makes me want to stab myself in the face rather than get up in the morning. Writing papers eats up all my time. By midterms, all I want to do is sleep for a month, party with the friends I never see, write constantly, and buy a plane ticket to Somewhere Else. I may be learning some worthwhile things, but mainly I just want to get out.
Which brings us to Egypt, which is how I'm keeping myself sane. Ten months in Cairo with no affect on my GPA? What could be more marvelous? However, Egypt is $27,000 for the full year, not counting airfare or whatever I might do for Christmas break. I have no idea where that money is coming from and I desperately fear that the answer is "more loans." I am scared shitless of loans. I have no plans of maintaining the kind of lifestyle right out of college that can afford to pay back large amounts of loans. I've run into a brick wall I like to call "AUUUUHGHHHH! I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT AND I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT DEALING WITH IMPOSSIBILITY!" and hence have done fuck-all towards applying for all the scholarships I had planned to deal with over break. I'm still recovering from last semester for Christ's sake. If I can't make Egypt happen, then I want to take a semester off. I can't keep this up.
I pulled a 4.0 out of my ass last semester (highest GPA ever) and I need to do it again starting in two weeks. Why? Because last year my stupid-ass self decided I should try to graduate Summa Cum Laude. Because I could, if I could get through the trauma.
I fucking hate school. It's a corrupt institution. The President of IUP, Tony Atwater, doesn't even try to hide the fact that he wants to use us, the students, as cash cows. The new dorms are swankier, but twice as expensive. The library catalogue dates from the 1970s. They want to demolish and rebuild Whitmyre Hall (which is fine and just got a new heating system), but Keith (built in the 1920s, heating system operated by a switch in Harrisburg, no I'm not kidding) has only gotten new carpeting and a few more (admittedly appreciated) computers. I refuse to be their cash cow; next year's tuition isn't even going to the same continent they're on.
Thus, in short (too late):
1. I hate college.
2. I hate scholarships.
3. I hate loans.
4. Therefore I'm dealing with scholarships now.
5. I'm getting the fuck out of the country next year if it kills me.
6. Which it may.