Been meaning to make a back-to-college post all week. And, Jesus, it's been a week.
My roommates who have been dating since they were freshmen have been dealing with some relationship issues. They're doing a lot of time apart and a lot of getting smashed -- each separately but at the same time, which is bizarre. Monday was "hey, if we get all our shit done in half an hour, then we could watch 10 Things I Hate About You and get trashed!" night. So I've now been properly trashed and sick afterward. Ew.
Wednesday was an Irish session at the house: boozed-up musicians playing reels on flutes and whistles. Looks like tradition in the making; Audrey and Jess have no classes on Thursday. (Jerks.)
Have discovered that I still have time to turn in my Enhancement Fund proposal (think money, lots of money) but only a month till the NSEP is due -- and I haven't asked for recommendations yet. Eek.
I still fucking hate college. That hasn't changed.
I'm going to do my Capstone History Dept. Major Research Paper on pirates. I may present a paper on zombies to the IUP Undergraduate Conference (but probably not).
But you know what's really killing me? NOT FUCKING KNOWING ANYTHING. I will not know until April whether I have any Enhancement money. I will not know until March whether my current scholarships transfer abroad. I will not know until early May whether I have an NSEP award.
AND I WILL NOT KNOW UNTIL FUCKING MAY WHETHER I'M EVEN ACCEPTED AT EGYPT!
My brain is full of possibilities of what I could do with a semester off if Egypt falls through (and it seriously may). They still involve fleeing the country. (One involves working my way through the Caribbean on boats.) Some of them involve mucking about in Pittsburgh. But there are no plans I can make. O.o
So...there we are. I hate my life a little right now. I hope pirates will make it better. Chocolate, coffee, and booze only go so far.
Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts
19 January 2007
31 December 2006
New Year's Eve
Usually Christmas and New Year's get me all sentimental and thinking back over the year and what I've accomplished and what I still have to do, and then I need lots of chocolate to cheer myself up again.
Or, I could go to a party, drive home as the first dawn of the new year breaks over yonder notch in the treeline, and skip the self-assessment altogether.
You see, the depressing thing about end-of-year summaries is that they're never enough. Last year I went to China; this year I spent three months on a couch watching Buffy and hating my life. College is just more school that makes me want to stab myself in the face rather than get up in the morning. Writing papers eats up all my time. By midterms, all I want to do is sleep for a month, party with the friends I never see, write constantly, and buy a plane ticket to Somewhere Else. I may be learning some worthwhile things, but mainly I just want to get out.
Which brings us to Egypt, which is how I'm keeping myself sane. Ten months in Cairo with no affect on my GPA? What could be more marvelous? However, Egypt is $27,000 for the full year, not counting airfare or whatever I might do for Christmas break. I have no idea where that money is coming from and I desperately fear that the answer is "more loans." I am scared shitless of loans. I have no plans of maintaining the kind of lifestyle right out of college that can afford to pay back large amounts of loans. I've run into a brick wall I like to call "AUUUUHGHHHH! I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT AND I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT DEALING WITH IMPOSSIBILITY!" and hence have done fuck-all towards applying for all the scholarships I had planned to deal with over break. I'm still recovering from last semester for Christ's sake. If I can't make Egypt happen, then I want to take a semester off. I can't keep this up.
I pulled a 4.0 out of my ass last semester (highest GPA ever) and I need to do it again starting in two weeks. Why? Because last year my stupid-ass self decided I should try to graduate Summa Cum Laude. Because I could, if I could get through the trauma.
I fucking hate school. It's a corrupt institution. The President of IUP, Tony Atwater, doesn't even try to hide the fact that he wants to use us, the students, as cash cows. The new dorms are swankier, but twice as expensive. The library catalogue dates from the 1970s. They want to demolish and rebuild Whitmyre Hall (which is fine and just got a new heating system), but Keith (built in the 1920s, heating system operated by a switch in Harrisburg, no I'm not kidding) has only gotten new carpeting and a few more (admittedly appreciated) computers. I refuse to be their cash cow; next year's tuition isn't even going to the same continent they're on.
Thus, in short (too late):
1. I hate college.
2. I hate scholarships.
3. I hate loans.
4. Therefore I'm dealing with scholarships now.
5. I'm getting the fuck out of the country next year if it kills me.
6. Which it may.
Or, I could go to a party, drive home as the first dawn of the new year breaks over yonder notch in the treeline, and skip the self-assessment altogether.
You see, the depressing thing about end-of-year summaries is that they're never enough. Last year I went to China; this year I spent three months on a couch watching Buffy and hating my life. College is just more school that makes me want to stab myself in the face rather than get up in the morning. Writing papers eats up all my time. By midterms, all I want to do is sleep for a month, party with the friends I never see, write constantly, and buy a plane ticket to Somewhere Else. I may be learning some worthwhile things, but mainly I just want to get out.
Which brings us to Egypt, which is how I'm keeping myself sane. Ten months in Cairo with no affect on my GPA? What could be more marvelous? However, Egypt is $27,000 for the full year, not counting airfare or whatever I might do for Christmas break. I have no idea where that money is coming from and I desperately fear that the answer is "more loans." I am scared shitless of loans. I have no plans of maintaining the kind of lifestyle right out of college that can afford to pay back large amounts of loans. I've run into a brick wall I like to call "AUUUUHGHHHH! I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT AND I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT DEALING WITH IMPOSSIBILITY!" and hence have done fuck-all towards applying for all the scholarships I had planned to deal with over break. I'm still recovering from last semester for Christ's sake. If I can't make Egypt happen, then I want to take a semester off. I can't keep this up.
I pulled a 4.0 out of my ass last semester (highest GPA ever) and I need to do it again starting in two weeks. Why? Because last year my stupid-ass self decided I should try to graduate Summa Cum Laude. Because I could, if I could get through the trauma.
I fucking hate school. It's a corrupt institution. The President of IUP, Tony Atwater, doesn't even try to hide the fact that he wants to use us, the students, as cash cows. The new dorms are swankier, but twice as expensive. The library catalogue dates from the 1970s. They want to demolish and rebuild Whitmyre Hall (which is fine and just got a new heating system), but Keith (built in the 1920s, heating system operated by a switch in Harrisburg, no I'm not kidding) has only gotten new carpeting and a few more (admittedly appreciated) computers. I refuse to be their cash cow; next year's tuition isn't even going to the same continent they're on.
Thus, in short (too late):
1. I hate college.
2. I hate scholarships.
3. I hate loans.
4. Therefore I'm dealing with scholarships now.
5. I'm getting the fuck out of the country next year if it kills me.
6. Which it may.
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