11 January 2007

Lorelei Goes Bionic

So, my laptop is le fucked. It's at the shop again (thank gods for warranties) and her hard drive has all the wide open spaces of an amnesiac's frontal lobe. I caught myself thinking, "Christ, why can't she just be fixed and ready to go like she used to be?"

But how she used to run wasn't all that impressive, to tell the truth. She crashed, and took the final drafts of papers with her. She was slow -- oh god, so fucking slow sometimes -- and would rather be rebooted than take criticism. I'd say, "hey, it's a nice evening, let's go for a walk on the Internet." Lorelei would claim a headache, refusing to go anywhere near Explorer. Firefox helped -- it got on quite well with Lorelei, in fact -- but still the problem remained that our relationship was just not going anywhere.

But now, everything can be different. I can rebuild her. I can make her better, faster, stronger. She will not merely stroll along the scenic wooded pathways of the intarblag, she will swing from trees to dodge people walking their Windows '98s! She will be a superlaptop! When the Google OS comes out, she will greet it with a wise nod and accept it as The Way, not waffle over whether she really wants to try something new when what's she's got is quite fine really I mean I guess it's okay when you look at it sideways and -- no, she will work hard to stay on the cutting edge of technology, and steal a space cruiser to do so if she has to!

It'll be wicked.

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