As some of you know, I have a wonderful little rat named Steve McQueen. He's well-behaved, adorable, loves people, and currently in danger of being neglected for five out of the next seven months.
As you may have noticed, I'm going to be spending a lot of time out of the country. That means somebody needs to take care of Steve McQueen while I'm gone. My mother really, really does not want this job. She hates cleaning out rodent cages. So does the rest of my family. My family also has a tendency to let pets in cages stay in their cages, instead of letting them out to play and be petted and suchlike. This leads to very sad pets trapped in sad cages.
Steve McQueen is a wonderful rat, and I know you guys are wonderful people. I want to hook the pair of you up. I'm looking for someone who is willing to temporarily adopt Steve McQueen into their household while I'm away. I'll buy his food, bedding, toys, etc., so that caring for him brings no extra expense for you. That just leaves maintenance tasks (feeding, watering, cleaning the cage) and playing.
Steve McQueen loves to be played with; in fact that link could be a freaking documentary of this ratty's life. That cute. No joke. He gets along with other animals; my housemate has a cat whose tendency to track our dear rat's movements hungrily goes completely unnoticed by the rat himself. (Steve McQueen is nothing if not friendly and charming, but he may also be a little bit dim.) As long as your current pets can handle cohabitating with a rat, Steve McQueen is perfectly content to cohabitate with them. And petting him can make you healthier, too. He even doubles as a recycling center/garbage disposal, because he chews up light cardboard (such as cereal and tea boxes) as a hobby. Steve McQueen can reduce your environmental footprint.
This deal is really win-win. I get the peace of mind of knowing that Steve McQueen (who is currently poking his nose out of my comforter and licking my fingers) is being well cared for and nurtured as he deserves. You get a happy ratty to pet, play with, and pretend not to secretly address in babytalk when no one else is around. And Steve McQueen gets all of the above, plus new places to explore and elbows to burrow into!
So if you think you might like to rat-sit Steve McQueen for the three weeks I'll be in New York and Cyprus (May 10 through June 6) or the two weeks I'll be in Delaware (July 19 through August 6) or the four months I'll be in Jordan (September 10 through sometime in December or January), please contact me. If you're on the fence, contact me with whatever concerns you have and we'll see if they can be addressed. If you would like to meet Steve McQueen before you commit to anything so that you know he's not secretly an axe murderer rat, then contact me and you can come hang out with him. If you're not sure you'll have a stable address in the future but you think Steve McQueen sounds pretty freaking cute--well, you obviously have good taste, and if you keep me posted on your housing situation, then I can keep you posted on Steve McQueen's, and perhaps they'll dovetail later.
The best ways to effect this contact are:
1. to leave a comment on this blog and
2. to email me at powell.slade @ gmail.com (obviously, delete the spaces before you click "send.")
Thanks in advance for any help you can give us on this front. We really appreciate it. Steve McQueen is even giving you a standing ovation on his hind legs. (Yep. That cute.)
3 comments:
Man, remember when I sent you that article about tickling rats and how funny it was? It is only appropriate that you should now have a link to an equally hilarious video about it.
And since I noticed your love of links, I provide you with this, BP's environmental footprint calculator.
Penultimately, I will address the actual content of your blog. Sorry, but I do not think that I can take Steve McQueen. I know this is not what you wanted to hear from one of your few commenting readers, but there you go. While I am fairly sure of my summer residence, I am more sure that I will be spending most of my time out of my house, if you catch my drift. I don't want to take your rat with the idea that he's getting a lot of cool attention and then not be able to give him that attention.
So: sorry.
Lastly, why did I not know of that gmail address? I THOUGHT WE WERE BFFS, BUT NO, OBVIOUSLY NOT.
*huff*
There is really nothing more adorable in the world than tickling rats. It's fun, too. Although Steve McQueen is weirded out when I try to flip him over on his back like the rat in the vid. He's like "...THE FUCK? I HAVE FEET FOR SUPPORTING ME, NOT SPINE, YOU FREAK," only much more good-natured. So more like "...um, I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're trying to do here. Do you...do you want me to move sideways? Or sit up? I'm sorry. I enjoy our time together and I don't want to ruin it for you, but I'm really just not getting this. Perhaps you could be more specific? Could I have a vowel, or a detailed Powerpoint demonstration? I want to help, really I do."
I understand about you not taking Steve McQueen. I'm not looking for an obsessive love of tickling him 24/7 (hell, he'd probably get sick of that eventually), just maybe half an hour a day. Perhaps you and KZ could team up or something? You do have the benefit of having multiple potential rat-petters in your house with which to share the burden.
Lastly, I did not give you that gmail address because that is my secret addy only for important friends. You are not an important friend, and hence you do not have that addy. Of my 7 gmail addresses, which are organized in an intricate hierarchy, you only have the bottom one or two. For certain favors (ie. rat-sitting), you may be granted access to the middle-range addresses. If you work hard at it. Maybe.
P.S. You should check your email.
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